In life, we often encounter situations where we feel caught in a web of conflicting expectations, unable to appease everyone involved. This phenomenon, known as a “double bind,” is a complex psychological concept first introduced by Gregory Bateson in the 1950s*. It highlights a unique form of communication challenge that can plague human relationships, leaving individuals in a state of baffling turmoil.
Imagine being instructed to assert yourself while simultaneously being reprimanded for taking initiative. This internal conflict represents the essence of a double bind. It’s a scenario where contradictory demands create an inescapable dilemma – damned if you do, damned if you don’t. This emotional quagmire can trigger intense distress, often manifesting as frustration, helplessness, anxiety and even despair, leading to a sensation of being trapped in an intricate mental and emotional maze.
*Bateson, G., Jackson, D. D., Haley, J., & Weakland, J. H. (1956). Towards a Theory of Schizophrenia. Behavioural Science, 1(4).
Identifying the Telltale Signs of a Double Bind
Here are four ways in which you can recognise you have been caught in a double bind. I will present each double bind and then give an example of how you could experience this in life and/or at work. However, there are many different ways each of these double binds could be represented – and that is often the challenge:
1. Contradictory Demands: Leading to Confusion
At the core of a double bind are opposing demands that defy resolution. These contradictory expectations place individuals in a catch-22, forcing them to choose between two unfavourable outcomes.
Example: Social Commitments You have been invited to both a close friend’s wedding and a family reunion on the same day. Attending one event means disappointing the other group and both groups have told you it wouldn’t be the same event for them if you weren’t there. Whilst on the surface, this creates a double bind of conflicting social obligations and it could be a straightforward choice. However, there is an implicit emotional charge in this double bind which creates a heaviness in making the decision. You are now feeling responsible for the success of the event and the happiness of your family or your friend. A burden has been placed upon you.
Example: Project Priotisation This example demonstrates the fear that may be involved in making a choice. And that fear is not about the immediate impact – it is about what ‘might’ happen long-term. “Is my choice going to limit my career?’. An example is: A project manager is tasked with two critical projects. One project requires immediate attention for a high-profile client, while the other is a long-term strategic initiative. Choosing one project over the other places the manager in a double bind, as neglecting either project could have significant consequences.
2. The Storm of Emotional Turmoil
Double binds evoke a rollercoaster of emotions. The perpetual tug-of-war between conflicting demands generates frustration and anxiety. This emotional turbulence can permeate various aspects of life, straining health and mental well-being.
Example: Personal Relationships Imagine being torn between spending time with your partner or spending time with your friends. Both say they really want to spend time with you, they are not seeing enough of you and they just want to be with you. Who do you spend time with? Your friends? Your Partner? And what about time for you?
Example in Work: Team Leadership A team leader faces the challenge of being tasked to be innovative with staff to boost morale while ensuring they cut costs to meet financial goals set by HQ. This double bind is not immediately visible. The manager is aware they are going to have to strike a balance between fostering innovation to specifically boost morale whilst also introducing cost-cutting practices to meet HQ targets which may challenge morale?
3. Become Paralysed in Decision-Making
An unmistakable sign of a double bind is the inability to make a decision. Fearing the repercussions of either choice, individuals remain stuck, rendering decision-making an agonizing endeavour.
Example: Career Crossroads Imagine you are at a career crossroads. You are torn between pursuing a passion that might not guarantee a stable income for you (or your family), but it is something you are good at and brings you real joy. Or, choose a job you know you can do easily and is stable but you know it will be unfulfilling and even soul-destroying. What happens to you? What fears start to arise? How easily can you make a choice? Or do you feel paralysed in making any choice, and say: ‘Maybe it’s not so bad here after all!’
Example in Work: Organizational Changes Imagine as a senior leader of a global organisation you are at a pivotal juncture – expand operations into new markets for exponential growth or focus on consolidating existing footholds for stability. Choosing expansion risks spreading resources thin, while prioritising stability might hinder long-term potential. You are acutely aware, that any decision now has monumental future consequences. This can easily create paralysis in decision-making.
4. The Endless Dilemma Loop
The reason we can get into double binds is that they are persistent and resistant to an easy resolution. Attempts to break free often lead to circular reasoning, further exacerbating the frustration and confusion inherent in the situation. Remember that feeling as if you are going round and round in circles? There is possibly some kind of double bind involved keeping you trapped in a looped system – rather than embracing our own energy which is an open-looped system.
Example: Family Expectations For generations, your family has been deeply entrenched in various fields – law, law enforcement or the nurturing realm of caregiving. They’ve been relentless advocates for the rights of others. Naturally, there’s an unspoken expectation that you’ll carry on this esteemed tradition and pursue a career following their footsteps. However, your true passion lies in an entirely different arena. Your attempts to explain your choices have resulted in endless back-and-forths, accusations and even threats. This has ultimately led to you being labelled the family’s odd one out, intensifying your feeling of being stuck in a difficult situation and bringing shame to the family.
Example work: Performance Evaluation I have heard different variations of this example many times with clients who feel as if they are in an ever-increasing loop of confusion.
Example: An employee receives conflicting feedback during their performance review. They’re praised for their strong individual contributions but also urged to collaborate more effectively. The feedback loop of trying to satisfy both expectations without clear guidance becomes frustratingly circular.
What is the impact of a Double Bind?
Double binds exert a multifaceted toll on our whole-body systems. The ensuing impacts resonate across our cognitive, emotional and physical realms, while also influencing our relationships, self-identity and mental health. Let’s not underestimate or minimise the impact of a double bind.
Also, this article is not delving into the psychological debate and discussion of double binds. As mentioned in the introduction, double binds are complex with studies ranging from enquiry into pre-schizophrenics who have been exposed to pathological communications with numerous double binds which have resulted or contributed to their schizophrenia through to NLP users who might use double binds as part of their directive communications.
An example of this would be: When putting a child to bed you will state the desired outcome and position it within a double bind.
“Would you like to clean your teeth or put your pyjamas on first before going to bed?”
What is not raised as a question is the fact that the child is going to bed, this is using a Milton language approach of embedding a command. The double bind is the child being told they will do both activities but they are deciding which one will be first. This gives the illusion of choice – but there is actually no real choice involved.
This is a complex and interesting area for future exploration (future articles?), but for now, let’s return to some of the impacts on our whole system of double binds.
1. Cognitive Dissonance: Navigating Mental Chaos
Double binds trigger cognitive dissonance, a state of mental discomfort caused by holding contradictory beliefs or values. This dissonance creates mental turmoil as our minds struggle to reconcile opposing demands. This internal conflict can lead to confusion, difficulty concentrating and decreased cognitive performance. As the mind attempts to make sense of conflicting information, the resulting mental strain can impair decision-making and problem-solving abilities.
2. Emotional Turbulence: The Rollercoaster of Feelings
The emotional impact of double binds is profound. Oscillating between opposing demands triggers a range of emotions, including frustration, anxiety, anger and even sadness. This emotional rollercoaster can take a toll on mental well-being, leading to mood swings and heightened stress levels. As individuals grapple with conflicting expectations, their emotional stability becomes compromised, impacting overall emotional resilience.
3. Physical Manifestations: The Body’s Response
The stress induced by double binds doesn’t just affect the mind – it takes a toll on the body as well. Prolonged exposure to conflicting demands can lead to physical manifestations such as headaches, muscle tension, fatigue and even gastrointestinal issues. The body’s fight-or-flight response is activated, releasing stress hormones that can negatively impact the immune system and overall physical health.
4. Self-Identity Conflict: The Battle Within
Double binds often challenge an individual’s sense of self and identity. Struggling to meet contradictory expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This internal conflict between personal values and external demands can erode self-esteem and self-confidence. As a result, individuals may feel disconnected from their authentic selves, contributing to feelings of inner turmoil.
5. Relationship Strain: Impact on Interactions
The ripple effects of double binds extend beyond the individual, affecting interpersonal relationships. The emotional distress caused by conflicting demands can lead to irritability and strained interactions with others. Communication breakdowns and increased interpersonal tension can result from the individual’s internal struggle to manage external expectations, affecting their ability to connect with and support others.
6. Deteriorating Mental Health: A Precursor to Distress
Left unaddressed, the cumulative impact of double binds can contribute to deteriorating mental health. Prolonged exposure to this level of stress and internal conflict can increase the risk of anxiety disorders, depression and other mental health challenges. The constant battle to navigate contradictory demands can exhaust mental resources, leaving individuals vulnerable to more severe psychological distress.
In summary, the impacts of double binds extend far beyond mental discomfort. These conflicting demands have a tangible and profound effect on our emotional well-being, physical health, relationships, self-identity and overall mental health. Recognising and addressing double binds is crucial to safeguarding our holistic well-being.
Is every difficult situation a double bind?
There are five conditions that need to be present for the presenting communication challenge to be a double bind. These were developed by Bateson (1972: 201-227):
- The involvement of two or more persons one of whom may be called a victim.
- An experience which recurs a number of times.
- A primary negative injunction (command), in which the command is made with the threat of punishment for non-compliance.
- A secondary injunction (command) which conflicts with an element of the first message but is of a different, usually more abstract, logical type, i.e. some type of meta-communication. Like the first injunction, the command is enforced by punishment or signals that threaten survival.
- A third negative injunction (command) that means that the victim cannot leave the communication.
I have used Bateson’s language ‘injunction’. Another way of understanding what he is saying is that injunctions describe how people should act, feel and think in any given situation, irrespective of how people typically respond in that setting. Individuals who violate these standards are often judged negatively. You could therefore replace the word ‘injunction’ with command, as indicated above. Bateson, G. (1972). Steps to an Ecology of Mind. London: Intertext.
Is there any hope of not being impacted negatively by double binds?
Navigating double binds
There is always hope when navigating double binds. We will go through some strategies of how you can manage yourself but remember, the first step is always learning how to recognise a double bind. Where do you feel this or notice this inside you? It often comes with a feeling. What is that feeling for you?
As you are more able to recognise you have been hit by a double bind so will your strategies of dealing with it spring into action. Here are some strategies that may support you moving forward, recognising this is not a comprehensive list and also sometimes you will just need to walk away:
1. Empowering the ‘Self’ through Awareness
- Recognising the Bind: The first step is acknowledging the existence of the double bind. Awareness empowers individuals to address the situation proactively.
- Mastering Emotional Response: Techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing and journaling can assist in managing emotional upheaval and fostering emotional resilience.
2. Tackling the Core of the Issue
- Embracing Open Dialogue: Engaging in open, honest conversations with involved parties can shed light on the contradictory demands, potentially leading to mutual understanding.
- Innovative Problem-Solving: Thinking outside the box is essential. Innovative solutions that balance conflicting expectations might offer a way out of the bind.
- Reflection for Resolution: Self-reflection aids in determining personal values and priorities. Sometimes, compromise is possible without sacrificing integrity.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, a double bind is a formidable communication challenge that can shackle anyone in a web of conflicting demands. While it may seem insurmountable, there are pathways to overcome and manage this predicament.
To offer a beacon of hope, think of the double bind as a metaphorical maze. Just as every maze has an exit, every double bind has a resolution. Through gradual steps and unwavering determination, the path to freedom becomes clearer. Remember, no matter how convoluted the situation appears, there is always a way out.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a double bind manifest without explicit communication? Yes, a double bind can stem from implied expectations or contradictory actions, creating the same confounding effect.
Is encountering double binds limited to personal relationships? Double binds can emerge in various spheres, including workplaces, where employees are pressured to excel while fearing reprisal for mistakes.
Can professional assistance aid in navigating double binds? Seeking guidance from your coach, coaching supervisor or mental health professional can support you to develop insight and perspective.
Can one completely evade double binds in life? While encountering double binds is inevitable, developing effective communication skills and emotional resilience can mitigate their impact.
Can cultural factors influence the emergence of double binds? Absolutely, cultural norms and expectations can contribute to the manifestation of double binds. Different societies may prioritise certain values, which result in conflicting demands and dilemmas.
Can double binds affect decision-making beyond the individual level? Indeed, double binds can extend to decision-making within groups, organizations, and even societal systems. These dilemmas can impact collective choices and strategies, further complicating the path forward. Are there benefits to embracing ambiguity within double binds? Paradoxically, learning to navigate ambiguity within double binds can enhance adaptability and innovative thinking. Embracing uncertainty can lead to creative solutions and personal growth.
“Dance of Liberation: Unraveling Double Binds”
In a world of twists and turns we tread,
Double binds lay traps, where paths are spread.
Contradictions clash, leaving us in doubt,
But fear not, my friend, we’ll find our way out.
Through generations, expectations wind,
Family legacies in which we’re confined.
Law, police, care—each a worthy feat,
But dare to dream beyond, your heart shall beat.
Caught in a swirl of choices so grand,
Work’s shifting sands in every land.
To stay or to go, a choice to make,
In this crossroads dance, we find our stake.
Emotions surge like waves on the shore,
Anxiety’s grip, we’ve felt it before.
But breathe in deep, find strength anew,
With tools of mindfulness, we’ll push on through.
As decisions weigh and pressures mount,
We navigate the maze, count each amount.
Let’s strive for balance, find a way,
In this double bind, our own path we’ll sway.
Embrace the challenge, let doubts unwind,
Forge your destiny, be one of a kind.
For in this journey, hope takes flight,
From double binds, emerges our own light.
With all the complexities of life, trust in your unique essence. For in being true to yourself, you illuminate paths others may never dare to explore.
Pheona Croom-Johnson is Co-Founder and Academic Director of Sandown Business School. She has been in the OD field for over 35 years and mainly partners with Coaches, C-Suite and Senior Leaders. Pheona is a triple credentialed Master Coach (ICF, EMCC, AC), Master NLP Trainer, Team Coach Supervisor (ACTC, ICF) and credentialed Supervisor (EMCC) all with strong foundations in psychology (BPS). Book a call to find out more about coaching, leadership and/or supervision.